This will contain spoilers.
This will not be the feelings of some of you that read this and that’s OK.
There is way more to Fleabag and the powerful ending than what I have written here; the sisterhood, the father and stepmother, the fourth wall and so many other things that I can’t even begin to write coherent sentences about.
I just finished watching Series 2 Episode 6 and had to immediately write this down. It’s not perfect and it’s not necessarily any good. But it’s fucking honest.
I feel fucking bereft. I feel like I a part of their ‘thing’ and I wanted to say “I love you too.”
The absolute fucking heartbreak of loving someone and them not feeling the same way is sickening. It’s a feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you want to hurl when they talk. Or when they try to talk and try to make it better, but you just don’t want to hear it because it’ll make you feel worse.
“It’ll pass” was like a kick in the teeth. You know it will pass, eventually. You know what else passes? A kidney stone.
It’s not about her fuck ups or hook-ups, her chic hair and amazing face or even the sexy priest. It’s about loss. The grief of loss and the massive hole it leaves in your world and your everyday. Loss comes in so many forms and takes on so many guises, yet it all leaves you grieving.
I think that’s why I feel so strongly about the ending? In the first series, she was trying to fill the empty space, like BP trying to fill in the leak in the Gulf; nothing was working, Harry was entertainment and the anal guy was just a way to waste time. The loss of Boo and her mother, the two women in her life that took up space like two people trying to fit through a doorway, needed something as equally as big to ease the pain.
So when we see her put herself out there, showing every scar and bruise, only to be left in the cold, it’s fucking painful. But that’s the thing with other people, you can’t just use them to duck tape your life, they have their own wounds and what cures one does not cure the other.
I feel like I’ve lost a friend with her. I feel like if she was my real friend, I’d want to go over there, make us some dinner and just be there for her.
God, I haven’t felt heartbreak like this since The Doctor faded before he could tell Rose he loved her on the beach.
I love you, Fleabag.